I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
