bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
