I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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