Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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