Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
