I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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