u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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