How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
