If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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