there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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