Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
