im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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