i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
