I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
