My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
