She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
