dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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