My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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