Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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