A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
