Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
