i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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