I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Me too!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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