That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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