Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk is not a location!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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