Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
