While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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