you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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