There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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