I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
