youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
