just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
