it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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