I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
