before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
