i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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