When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
