I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
