where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your penis caused this!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
