I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
