and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had to cum in my sink.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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