Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She bit a glass in half.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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