we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
