Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
