Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Randomize
