i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
