First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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