Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
