I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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