her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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