That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
