I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
