he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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