I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
