got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
